MacBoots - bitch and moan

MacBoots

grip - slip - zip - ah

bitch and moan

12/10/2007 17:39:01
what's it going to come down to?
Yeah yeah, the same story... good sex or a good man? I know those two things shouldn't be mutually exclusive, but geesh, after almost 20 years of being open about my fetish interests, you'd have thought that I would have found at least 1 guy who I wanted to shag AND spend time with.

Not that I haven't found the guys I've dated attractive, that's not it at all - I have varied interests in guys, but I have found them ALL to be incredible. I just can only put the fetish on the back burner for so long... I can have "nice" sex for a few months or so without the fetish, but it becomes more difficult as time goes by to retain any interest in it—or more accurately, to put my needs aside.

The guys that I have dated (read as "the guys I wanted to spend time with") have mostly tried to be accommodating and it's important to realize that the accommodating goes both ways... they with my fetishes and me with their vanilla. But after a while, just as I get tired of ignoring my desires, they get tired/annoyed with having to do something that they don't find stimulating.

Now, the guys that I have found that share the same fetishes have never fit into the category of guys that I would want to spend time with - either they are socially awkward, pervy (in a 24/7 creepy old man kinda way), or just downright annoying.

I guess this is why so many of the guys that are on the fetish websites aren't single. I'm beginning to wonder if that is what it's going to end up like?

Do you end up finding somebody that will make you happy in every way except sex and end up getting that fulfilled somewhere else? I just can't get past that.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE: I just got a new pair of Kenneth Cole boots that I'm crazy about... but my favorite pair right now are black Frye harness boots ( the tall ones) - I'll have to post a photo sometime... maybe this week I'll get more up.

If you have a topic to bring up, please contact me with the links in the contact area.

12/06/2007 17:18:11
The Holiday Blues
Yeah, well, I couldn't decide - either the Holiday Blues or just simply to bitch and moan about the sad state of my dating life. I have to preface this by saying that I don't know if I exactly believe what I'm going to post here (honestly, it's a bit melodramatic), but I might as well put it out there—maybe somebody I know will read this and say "Hey, yes, you're right... you're just as socially inept as you think you are!"

So, let me start by saying that Winter/the Holidays is my favorite time of the year. I don't mind the cold and I truly enjoy snow—I love walking in light-to-mild snowfall and watching everybody walking past with an expression of utter disgust on their face. I don't get it, when you were a child you would DREAM for snow, but apparently now it just smells like ass? I love it!

I also go a little crazy for the holiday decorations (as anybody who knows me can attest). It takes a few days just to put up the decorations in the house (I AM getting better and have started pairing things down - a bit). I think that comes from wanting to be a little closer to "swedish/scandinavian" stuff that I grew up with (but only at Christmas), so now "I just go nuts at Christmas."

With the decorations comes a holiday party—which, again, I go all out for... I buy tons of presents for guests, spend several hundred dollars making glögg, buying all sorts of scandinavian foods, etc... and I enjoy it. But then since I have the party on the first Saturday of December, I kinda have post-holiday blues before Christmas even hits.

I only just noticed this year, and probably because I'm so wrapped up in getting other stuff done, that everybody is so busy going to holiday parties, etc... and I realized that I don't - I don't do anything else during the month. I do, strangely enough, end up doing things with exs, but I guess I have let my group of friends kinda wither down to a small group. Between being self-employed and working at home, I don't have "work friends."

It's kinda weird, I have no problem getting like 50-60-70 people to come to a holiday or summer party, but I invitations don't come my way. So, I'm wondering...

AM I SOCIALLY INEPT? Is there something in my personality that I haven't noticed that keeps me from getting to parties? I suppose it's possible, I just assumed that since I get people to come to parties that I must not be an ogre or something.

I'm thinking it's a combination of a lot of things - I'm self employed (no co-workers), work at home (again, no co-workers), and I've got a social-anxiety problem (which kinda brought up the first two items) so I don't go out to bars. I did do medication for it for a long time, but I got so tired of the side-effects.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "why me" kinda person, shit happens, and I know that this is all my own doing... I guess I need to hear it from someone else.

09/28/2007 07:42:41
enough is enough?
Yeah, it's been a long time since I have updated it, and well... when several people contact you and say "hey, why dont't you update it" and you realize that you don't have an excuse - certainly not because I don't have anything to say!

I realized that I found a new topic, only to realize that I did kinda talk about this in the last one that I posted almost two years ago (geesh, I AM lazy) - TOO MANY BOOTS.

I know many people reading this fall into two categores (which really is one category if you have a boot fetish) - you either only have a few boots and want more, or you have too many boots and want less (let's be real - even if you fit into the second category, you still want more boots).

I don't have an exact count anymore (I used to), but I'm sure I'm well over 100 pair, and the thing is that many of these are pairs that I couldn't wear if I wanted to (well, if I really wanted to I could, but it would be a bitch). I could easily get rid of 50 pair and not be upset about it - hell, most of them sit in big storage boxes in a closet. So, eBay... that's gotta be the solution.

I might just post them here and sell them through paypal or something - I feel strange, but I would much rather they go to somebody who wants them for the same reason I did, and on top of it, I generally would pay more for a pair of boots if I have seen a photo either of the guy who wore the boots or even better a photo of him IN the boots (I think both of which are not allowed on eBay).

Let me know what you guys thing - maybe I'll break down my boots into the ones that I couldn't possibly get rid of, and the ones that need to go and just accept any offers that come along. I MIGHT even accept a trade if I got photos - lol.

I'm really going to try and update this more frequently!

08/28/2005 17:11:36
wow - you like me, you really like me
What an incredible feeling to have somebody read the blog (well, more than a few, and honestly I wasn't sure anybody would). The emails that I received from you all were just incredible - and for those of you who are looking for something, anything, to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you... here it is, I'm here and there are others here who feel the same way (I'll have to find SOME way to let everybody talk about it, but for now it's all about me! LOL).

On to today's topic... ebay - the scourge of my existence and my very personal enabler in my ongoing battle to NOT BUY ANY MORE BOOTS. Oh well, they won... or actually I WON! Somebody help me... I need more storage. This month I added two more pair, and I just couldn't help but bid on a third, which is a pair that I already owned (but gave up in a custody battle - lol... actually he asked if he could have them).

One of the two pairs was a bit of a disappointment, but that's the way it goes on ebay. There is nothing truely wrong with them, except they smell like they have been sitting in a drawer with cosmetics or something... Kinda kills the moment (and I KNOW you know what I mean) - lol

The other pair were GBX Zip boots (black, kinda campus style, lug bottoms). I love everything about them - now, if I could just find a man to wear them, I'd be in heaven.

I would have to say that probably AT LEAST half of my boots came from ebay... actually, that's a lie, I know it's probably more like 75%. And of those, probably half are new and half are used. There are a lot of things I don't understand about my own fetish, but I do like other men's boots (god, especially if I know who it is, or if I can get a picture of the person) - I hate that I do, but that's the way it goes. I hope to get over the self-hatred and self-disgust some day, but to be honest, that never seems to cross my mind until I have to talk to somebody about it. I can't even talk about it here right now.

BUT, if you have ever had to tell somebody what you would like to do with their boots, you usually (USUALLY) get one of two reactions:
1 - repulsed -- they immediately show it in their face (even if they try and hide it)... it looks a little like somebody just rubbed an ass in their face
or
2 - shocked silence -- they can't wrap their mind around it and they just don't know what to think (you can see them in a slightly dazed state and they don't know what to say... they never imagined that there could be anything except vanilla.

AGAIN - as my policy states, I don't blame anybody for their reaction. I react the same way if someone tells me they like jock straps - it's not a sexual object for me, it's nobody's fault, and it sucks that it's what people have to deal with, but that's the way it is. It's not worth getting mad over, but I wish I knew what chapter in the gay handbook deals with fetishes and how to find true love in a world that is a subset of a subset of a subset and is dominated by 'hook-ups'.

(comments are always welcome)

08/22/2005 21:40:14
the fetish blues
Up until lately, I've accepted the fact that I've got a little more than a 'thing' for boots. It's been ok that it kinda make the whole gay realization thing worse. It's been ok that I had to deal with coming out twice. It's been ok that unlike being gay, most people think you're a freak if you have a boot fetish. But I always kinda thought that it would be ok - it's what I was dealt, and although I get pleasure from it, it's definately not worth the pain. IT FUCKING SUCKS!

I always thought that I could still find someone out there that I would be attracted to, that I would be able find someone who at least could partly share some of the sexual fuckups that people get dealt with. I just don't know if that's gonna happen, and I'm sorry, but I'm pissed. I don't think there is truly a person out there that is HAPPY that they have a fetish, that life is better or easier than if they didn't have one.

So, why, you might ask, can't I find someone into the same things I am? The only answers I can think of is that I don't find them attractive, they don't find me attractive, they're only interested in hook-up, or they're socially incapacitated (interpret as FREAK).

The stigma of a fetish is more than enough to shred any attempt at a vanilla relationship... and there is no blame, nobody is at fault.

I don't know what the point of this rant is, I just felt like I needed to spill it somewhere.